Women's Stories
Linda's Story
In just seven months, Linda, a participant of ROW's Individual Development Account (IDA) program, was able to save enough money to make a down payment on a vehicle.
Meeting her goal in record time was not easy. Despite the demands of attending nursing school while holding down a full-time job, Linda found the time to work extra hours.
However, sacrifices and cutting back on expenses was worth it because Linda was able to purchase a 2001 Ford Focus with only 19,000 miles and a two-year warranty.
ROW's IDA program is a matched savings program designed specifically for women impacted by intimate partner violence. Upon entering the IDA program, Linda chose to save money to purchase a car. She and her advocate created a credit action plan to assist her in establishing a positive credit history. This started with Linda saving $300 and then opening a secure credit card to build credit history.
While making monthly savings deposits, Linda attended the car buying class and began researching vehicles in Consumer Reports to determine the best car to meet her needs. She also met with her advocate to plan for additional costs of car insurance, and license and registration fees. After seven months, Linda had saved $1,500 in her IDA, which was then matched with $3,000, leaving her with a total of $4,500 to purchase a vehicle.
As Linda quickly found out, many vehicles under $4,500 have high mileage and are often in need of expensive repairs. After passing on three cars, she decided to purchase a newer vehicle.
In order to make this a reality, she knew she would need to get loan approval for the remaining amount. Linda had worked hard to build positive credit history, and was hopeful to get a good car loan. She approached the dealership, banks and credit unions without success. Linda was denied financing or offered high interest loans because she has lived in the U.S. for less than two years and because she hadn't established long term credit history. Linda and her IDA advocate did not give up. As a team, they were able to convince a local credit union to reduce the interest rate by 10 percentage points, keeping her payments low and affordable.
In asking Linda how she felt about her success, she responded, "It is hard to save money rather than spending it. But, seeing the goal accomplished is very exciting. I would love to thank ROW and all of the ROW workers.
Macy's Story
The first thing I noticed about Macy was "that look". Her eyes were puffy and reddish. Her face was expressionless and flat. Her posture seemed to labor under the weight of her body, and the world in general. Chin protruded and eyes looked away in avoidance of any attention in her direction. Any mild interest she may have displayed in the goings on around her was quickly replaced with a bored sigh and sudden pre-occupation with a fingernail, a notebook or the placement of her head to rest on a forearm. Eye contact occurred in nanoseconds, when others spoke to Macy, or when she was forced to address someone about needed information. The "look" was familiar, but the personality unique. The circumstances were typical, but their effect, devastating.
Macy's son and his two sets of twin siblings, all under the age of four, had been placed in DFS custody, as a result of an injury that occurred while the children were in the care of Macy's boyfriend. Macy had made the call herself, but was now having to prove her own capability as a parent, in order to be re-united with her young children.
Macy lasted two weeks in GED class before her file folder began to fade into "inactive status" and was stored away. The customary "We-miss-you" mailing from the classroom instructor had been ineffective in bringing Macy back to class. Several months later, Macy called my office to inquire about the "housing voucher" class, stating that a referral was being sent from her case worker. The current session was well underway, and Macy's attendance in class was sporadic at first. Though usually quiet, Macy was very adept at applying the discussion topic to the absurdity of her family situation. "How can you express your feelings assertively to a caseworker when they couldn't care less about you?" she hissed. Macy's rage surfaced into frustrated tears at times when interactive dialogue was shared.
The new session started up again: Self Esteem, Self Awareness, Dealing With Anger. Macy had begun to attend regularly, smile at my comic escapades, and bond with the other women in class. In class, we talk about feelings and the thoughts that feed them. We look at common belief systems and where they originate. We identify patterns of thinking, attitudes and personal choices, which either dis-empower the self or nurture the spirit. We examine the concepts of control, responsibility and acceptance. Macy started to relax. She poked fun at her own foibles and created new strategies to apply in her life, from the perspective of someone in charge. Her anger softened as renewed confidence surfaced.
For many women, their "knack" for parenting defines their sense of self. When asked during a routine assessment, "What are your strengths?" many women have little to say. But most concur, "At least I am a good/great /excellent mom." When systems question these convictions, worlds begin to crumble. We know that children do suffer at the hands of conscientious, well-meaning parents. Sadly, well-doing parents aren't manufactured in high schools and modeled in the average, fragmented family. Many students retort, "They should teach this stuff in grade school!" (Good idea.) Healing, coping and single-parenting often co-exist, without support, resources and a solid foundation of self-sovereignty. Macy pointed to a parenting hand-out one day after class and asked me, "How can I become this kind of parent now?" We talked some more.
ROW invites change. We plant seeds. Strong, intelligent, persevering women do the rest.
Nora's Story
For seven years, Nora lived with a partner who controlled and abused her economically, emotionally, sexually and physically. However, with help from ROW, Nora has been able to become independent, begin a violence-free life and not only pay off existing debts, but also save for the future.
Nora enrolled in ROW's Economic Action Program (REAP) to take advantage of the free 12-hour class that assists battered women gain control over their finances. She was able to learn about money management, savings, debt reduction, budgeting, credit, investing, banking and economic abuse.
During the classes, Nora expressed how overwhelming everything was now that she lived on her own. In addition to increased living expenses, Nora had thousands of dollars of credit card debt to deal with. These debts were items purchased for her and her partner but were put in Nora's name because she had good credit. Although the original agreement was for both of them to make payments on these items, that never happened.
REAP assisted Nora by helping identify which creditors she should pay first, how to negotiate lower payments and interest rates and come up with an economic action plan for the next 12 months.
After graduating from REAP, Nora began participating in ROW's Individual Development Account (IDA) matched savings program to save for future educational expenses. While in the program, staff provided Nora with ongoing credit counseling, information about domestic violence, safety planning, orders of protection, economic abuse, healthy relationships and more.
Although years of psychological abuse had left Nora with some self-healing work to do, she is making progress thanks to her hard work in counseling and ongoing support from community services. For the first time, Nora is able to do what she wants to do, go where she wants to go and begin living how she wants to live.
Nora said she periodically struggles with whether or not she was to blame for the violence and whether or not she made the right decision to leave the relationship. Her partner has tried many strategies to rekindle the relationship, promising to change, offering financial support, reminiscing about the good times and threatening to commit suicide and homicide. Throughout this process, the REAP program has provided continual support, education and encouragement.
Nora is now living independently in her own apartment and striving to reach her personal and financial goals. Nora has managed to pay off the major credit card debt by using her tax return and cutting back in order to make larger payments.
Nora has $1,000 dollars saved for her education goals and plans to start classes soon. In conversations about how important it is to celebrate successes, Nora explains, "I celebrate by doing whatever I want…Well, of course it has to be free!"